How can we promote moments of emotional growth for children and youth?
The Four Building Blocks of HOPE, the foundation of the HOPE framework, are key types of positive childhood experiences (PCEs) that all children need to thrive. The Building Blocks include: relationships, environment, engagement, and emotional growth.
The Building Block of emotional growth helps children (and adults) build resilience, confidence, and self-love. This Building Block can feel the hardest to measure and to practice intentionally because these opportunities often come up at a moment’s notice.
Experiences of emotional growth can come from the biggest joys and lowest lows, when a child has a big win or a major failure. It can also be experienced in their day-to-day moments, like when they ask for help with something that they do not understand, or they continue to play a game even after they get upset.
As adults and professionals, we can support the children and youth around us in those emotional growth moments, helping them navigate difficult situations so that they can handle the next difficult moment even better. We can also set them up for success by learning what more they need during these difficult moments.
An important aspect of the Building Block of emotional growth is teaching children and youth that even if they mess up, get angry, or experience failure, they are still loved. Our love for them does not go away when a difficult moment happens. And in turn, it teaches them how to love themselves, building their resilience and self-confidence as they grow up.
Ways to promote emotional growth
Emotional growth can be promoted in many moments, from failures to big feelings and disagreements. In these situations, we can help children learn to regulate their emotions, feel their feelings, and extend grace for one another.
During moments of failure
Failure is a normal experience for everyone. It can feel isolating and deeply disappointing. These feelings can be hard to navigate. We can teach children and youth that everyone experiences setbacks and losses, and if we learn from them, we can do better next time. Normalizing accepting failure helps us feel less alone when we experience it, and promoting self-worth and confidence in that moment builds resilience to continue moving forward.
Questions to ask:
- Even though it did not turn out how you expected, what do you think went well?
- Is there anything you need from me to help you process these difficult feelings?
- Do you want to hear about a time when I failed at something important to me?
During moments of anger or frustration
Anger and frustration are difficult emotions that come up. Even adults have difficulty expressing these feelings constructively and finding ways to calm down. While children and youth are calm, we can talk with them about coping skills and what helps them let out these strong emotions without hitting or yelling at others. These coping skills can include activities like running really fast, coloring, or taking deep breaths until they start to feel better. Coping skills are powerful tools that teach us our emotions do not control us, and that when we get upset, that is not who we are, and we are still worthy of love even during moments of anger and frustration.
Questions to ask:
- When you feel mad, what helps you calm down?
- How do you know when you are about to get mad? What are the things that make you mad most often?
- How can I help you when you start to feel this way?
During moments of conflict and fights
Another way to help children and youth when anger or frustration arises, especially in conflict, is to hear their side of the story. Offering space for them to voice their account of an argument or disagreement shows that their voice matters. If two parties are involved, allow space for both to share their side of the story, and work with them to find common ground to move forward. When children and youth can talk through what happened, often there is more going on than just the origin of the fight. When children and youth do not get a space to share, and disciplinary action is taken immediately, we miss the opportunity to repair relationships and learn the deeper issues they are experiencing.
Questions to ask:
- Do you want to resolve this by yourselves or with an adult?
- What happened? How did this argument or disagreement start?
- Are you arguing over a [toy] or is there something more going on here?
- Is this the only thing that is upsetting you?
During everyday moments
Emotional growth can be promoted every day with emotional check-ins. Asking children on a frequent basis how they are feeling or how their day is going can give you a lot of insight into their mood and shows them that adults care about how they are feeling and what is going on in their lives. When we show interest in children’s emotional wellbeing, we are showing them the value of their feelings and that they matter to us.
Questions to ask:
- How are you feeling today?
- What emotion did you feel the most today?
- If your mood were the weather, what would the sky look like?
Learn more about all Four Building Blocks of HOPE
Deep dive into the three other Building Blocks of HOPE: relationship, environment, and engagement. By promoting the Four Building Blocks of HOPE in the work we do every day, whether in health care, education, policy, mental health, or many other sectors, we can help children grow into resilient and healthy adults.
